A couple days ago I had a strange and unexpected empty feeling when I realized that my little schizophrenic stalker of 11 years has moved on. I know it sounds insane, but I miss his strange looks and sidelong shuffles to wherever I happen to be standing in order to say “You look pretty today.” Or him telling my co-workers that if I didn’t have a boyfriend (a lie my co-workers kindly told for me years ago), he would marry me for sure.
There was a time when he adored me. He even sent me a love note once praising my feet of all things….and did I mention there was poetry involved? Well, there was. I know I kept a copy, but I can’t find it. Anyway, at the time, I acted all above it and shut my office door more than absolutely necessary, specifically to avoid him stopping by to say hi.
But, a while ago, he got married. (Yes…the crazy schizophrenic kid got married before me…that’s a whole different issue that I try not to dwell upon.) Since his marriage he has stopped talking to me outside official questions and comments. He explained right before his wedding that he wouldn’t be able to talk to me anymore because he could only talk to his wife now….which is kinda sweet…I guess. But, like I said, now I unexpectedly miss him and his awkward attentions.
I don’t even want to begin to understand what that says about me. Pretty sure it is something about being needy and starved for attention, or maybe I just miss a friendship I never knew I valued?
5 months ago