A friend of mine came to me a couple weeks ago asking me to take part in a study for her master’s thesis. I don’t really understand what it was really about…but it has something to do with sweat. She said she had “heard” (from an anonymous source) that I sweat quite a bit and that she needed sweaters for her study.
I replied that really, anyone I’ve ever hiked with could have told her I sweat quite a bit….so it could be many people…but that I would be happy to help her out. I also told her that if she felt like being grateful she could say a little prayer and thank my Grandmother Zollinger for the sweaty pig gene…because, heaven knows, I haven’t thanked her a whole lot.
Anyway, I went in Saturday for the study. She ran a bunch of little tests, had me fill out some paperwork and then asked me to enter a room where the temperature was kept at over 90 degrees. I was then asked to sit on a stationary bicycle and peddle away. She needed me to bike for 30 minutes after I came to a full sweat.
So, I got busy and about 5 minutes later she came in very impressed that I had almost reach a full sweat…one minute later, she said I was the fastest sweater, girl or guy, that had done the study so far. I smiled proudly and began the actual 30 minute ride.
At about 20 minutes she came in and complimented me on my “bubble sweat” which beaded up along my arms…she said only one other subject had had bubble sweat, she was very impressed again and I was just glad to be appreciated for my inborn skills.
When I was finally done, she started taking tests and gathering data. She had taped little pads to my arms and mentioned that not many people had been able to fill the pads with sweat….me?? Well, when she lifted the pad…a little river of sweat escaped….because the pad couldn’t hold all of it. She then confirmed I was officially the sweatiest person she had ever met….how great is that?
I’m very proud of my verified exceptionalism. I’ve decided to embrace my healthy sweat glands. After years of just thinking I sweat more than everyone else….I now know and knowing feels good…. It’s always good to be the best…but right now…aren’t you happy…in this case…to hand the title right over to me?
1 month ago